So here,
There's this trend flying everywhere on social media that I've noticed for a while now, it seems to be a kind of advice, but its bottom line is a subtle shaming..
It's about women who married seemingly nothing that rose to become renowned professionals in their field. It always go with the caption "I'll never marry that broke man" and or "what if they didn't marry these suppose broke men then?"
Though it seems to portray that, people should have foresight, but it is another working of patriarchy to kind of make women accept whoever comes their way, who seems to have a brighter future but seemingly nothing now, just because they may turn out to be jets owner in future.
Here's the patriarchal deposit in it, they post about women who 'believed' a man's future and married him when he had nothing, are there no women out there who men believed in their future and married them that turned out to be renowned now even though they seemed nothing before? There are.. With innumerable example, but patriarchy will never recognize that.
Secondly, they to subtly shame you into marrying the available, the poverty stricken available, who may turn out to be something... Listen Nne, don't gamble with your destiny.
Firstly, the ladies who married who they married weren't expecting their man to be something in future. Like, they weren't marrying them because they will become anything more in terms of accumulation of wealth other than for who they were. Those who marry expecting something have divorced! Yes you heard me right and I can start mentioning their name!
You are not an oyoko metre of future greatness gazing. Marry the one you love!
And the feeling of losing out if the person you say No to becomes 'something' is in itself an inferiority complex, borne out of from a stagnant mind. You mean to tell me you yourself is a nothing that's suppose to marry something, so you have to star gaze, sorry, future gaze to see a potential to become somebody and settle down with him?
Who told you you cannot also be a force your man should reckon with? And you accept that post? And you feel inspired by it? Are you really this nothing? You cannot make a name for yourself? Is it so bad you'll need to 'meet' a man name to be a name yourself? Isn't that already crazy enough?
Unless there's a balance of men who married seemingly nothing women that latter grow to become something, that post is injuring you than giving you advise.
If you say Yes, let it be because you want the person. And if you say NO! it doesn't mean the person will not be something in life, it simply means, you have reasoned it and found that you cannot live with that person and do not need the person in your personal life! This should be your reason! Such that when they so called hammer, you will still tell yourself, I don't want to be in his life, though I want his progress!
Such decision of yours you should respect and cherish because you too can take decision and you should learn to be glad about the decisions you took. Like I clearly pointed in my book Freedom don't cost a Dime, "Don't let anybody make you feel you can't take a decision, you aren't matured enough to take a decision, or your decision are foolish!"
Last last, build yourself. You are an entity! Yes You! Not a complimentary per se.
Just before that post makes you marry someone you will see just ten times in a year, and hug your pillow for the rest of your night, and raise your kids alone, whilst smiling to the camera as The Mrs. Just before it makes you go through emotional pain until you cant bear it anymore and land in a divorce court crying foul and trying to get some revenge, I'm telling you earlier.
Don't take advises that will injure you. You live to tell your stories, but the scars is borne solely by you!
I'm not here to make sense.
Just telling you reality as it is!
It's me!
Chines Zoe!
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