LEAVE!

I saw a post Shake Speare shared about knowing that it's okay to leave any situation you're not comfortable with. The post was a series of tweets a girl shared about how her mother taught her practically that she could LEAVE any situation or circumstance as soon as she was uncomfortable. I really loved that!

It seems to me that Africans and people in general have this mentality that you're supposed to accept and endure every circumstance. It's expected more when you're a woman.

While patience and by all means long suffering is a virtue, it's good to know when to draw the line otherwise your virtue becomes unnecessarily burdensome (a.k.a sufferhead) and could lead to a lot of physical, emotional and mental problems.

I went to the market to get foodstuffs with a friend. We went to buy beans. After buying, the mama we bought from didn't have change so we decided to buy palm oil from her as well. We haggled and then agreed on the price. It was a fair price but looking closely at the oil, I started having second thoughts. It had more of the thick solid unhealthy fat stuff in it.

"Would I buy that?" I wondered.

I looked at my friend's face. She was frowning and kissing her teeth (She's like me - her face usually mirrors her thoughts).

  "Do you like it?" I asked.

She said, "Well.. We can.. I mean.."

I wasn't convinced so I asked again, "Do you like it?" this time I looked at her with this straight up be-honest-with-me face. She said No.

Then I told the woman sorry, that we would get oil elsewhere. My friend heaved a sigh of relief.

I laughed as we were leaving the stall and said, "Talk. If you don't want something, say so. We can ALWAYS LEAVE! After all, it's YOUR money so you should CHOOSE what you WANT"

She smiled and said thank you.

I tell people, You DON'T have to accept EVERYTHING. If you're NOT comfortable, and there can be no adjustments, you CAN LEAVE.
***

Early last year, I was invited by my dad's cousin to join the bridal train in his wedding. Although I really don't like weddings, I was excited. At least, it would be one experience I would always talk about because it would probably be my first and last.

He called my dad early Friday morning (the day before the wedding) and said we had a photoshoot at 4. Apart from being slightly offended by the suddenness of the information, my mind kept telling me, "Are you sure he doesn't mean bridal shower? Those things start in the night."

But I decided to believe him. After all he's family and he wouldn't lie to my dad, would he?

      

I left work earlier than usual (they weren't paying me where I was working so they didn't mind) and went to the hotel he said was the venue. It was really far and I spent time and money getting there.

When I got there, I called my dad's cousin and he asked me to go to the room he had booked for the girls. At the reception, I was told the room had someone in it already. I should just knock and enter.

I was super psyched! Finally, I get to see the bride, my dad's cousin and everyone. But when I got to the door, my dad's cousin and his bride weren't there. Instead,I was greeted by a stranger. A tall weird dark guy I had never met.

Surprised, I called my dad's cousin. He said sorry that he was on his way and that the guy I saw was his friend. I checked my time. It was some minutes to 5. I felt so bad and betrayed. I went into the room sat down on a chair and waited for my dad's cousin till almost 6. He didn't show up. He even stopped taking my calls.

  
As I talked with the stranger guy, it dawned on me that I was supposed to sleep over but they hadn't communicated the info properly and I didn't come out with an overnight bag. I was really feeling out of place and uncomfortable. Plus the guy (who I later learned was the best man) started trying to get familiar. Was talking and trying to touch my hair and hands so I said I was leaving and stood up before he would get other ideas.

He said no. That I shouldn't leave. It's somehow. The me before would have stayed back but I said NO.

NOTHING ABOUT THIS WAS OKAY!

My daily schedule had been altered with just one phone call. He lied to my dad. He lied to me. I was very uncomfortable so I COULDN'T stay.

I LEFT.

I didn't even attend the wedding. Funny thing is, till this day, he hasn't called to apologize for that day or to ask why I left. But I don't mind much, I learned from the incident.

The truth is: Leaving that day gave me the strength to LEAVE on other days I was in an uncomfortable situation.

So, I want to encourage you today:

If you're with someone in a place and they start acting funny and you're uncomfortable, LEAVE!

If you go for a function or event and you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, LEAVE.

If you're in a relationship with someone and they're threatening your peace of mind, LEAVE.

If you have friends that keep guilt tripping you or trying to make you spend all your money, LEAVE.

If you ask a girl on date and she comes with her entire community, LEAVE.

If you have a job that is draining you emotionally, physically, mentally and the returns are almost nothing, LEAVE!

IT IS OKAY TO LEAVE.

You don't need to stay until you're battered beyond repair.

You don't have to stay until you turn bitter.

You don't have to stay till something bad happens.

LEAVE.

Even in marriage, if you're being hit or threatened, if you're being abused in any way, if your spouse keeps cheating and won't stop, LEAVE.

You may not necessarily divorce them but give them space. Your Peace of Mind and your Life intact is more important than what anyone would say or think.

You should even pack your bags and run faster if you have kids because if you don't, you're teaching them to tolerate abuse. You're teaching them that abuse, unfaithfulness and disrespect is the right way to live.

Don't do that, LEAVE

I will teach my children that they don't have to put up with everything. There are limits. There HAS to be.

If your friend is treating you like you're rag, LEAVE.

If your friend treats you like an ATM, LEAVE.

If you feel used by your employer, LEAVE.

One power many abusers wield effectively is the fact that most of their victims DON'T KNOW they can leave the relationship or the situation. Once you know you can leave and you do, you will be free.

If you know anyone holding on to something or someone that is making them cry, sad or feel bad 24/7, tell them:

"Sweetheart, you CAN LEAVE. Yes, you can."

UCHECHI UCHENYI