Ifemelu badly needed the 100 bucks, her rents stares at her face, her feeding was her concern, something bothering her so badly more than a concern. Her tuition fee staring at her face, only made her frustrated the more. And yes, she knows the Tennis Coach had something fishy but she needs the money badly. And even if she says she isn't going to have sex, she had to climb the bed, it's for the money, she don't want to, but he must play with her pot. And after she'd received the hundred bucks, she felt dirty, she felt really dirty, she hated herself, she hated everything. This feeling of guilt escalated to depression, she turned Obinze out, carefully hurting herself, and Ginika her closest friend didn't even get to know, she sucked in everything.
As much as I know her deeds weren't right, but telling her to stop hurting herself would have been my advise. It's no use. Sometimes we can't tell what we can do until we are faced with them, and once done we remember our standards, our position, our talk, our high shoulder. Calm down, you did it. Move on! The whole feelings are uncalled for. Very uncalled for. Money related issues are one I cannot judge anyone for.
If you know you will feel guilty, don't do it. If you did it, stop the pity party.
Learn to move on! Move on! Take off your eyes from the ocean of condemnation. Don't cut out those who care, learn to talk, to talk to them. They should really be trusted people, else you are just setting up your heart for more heartbreak.
Beating up yourself for your errors isn't the right thing dearest, I know errors you've told yourself you cannot do but you did can be the most condemning, nonetheless learn to move on. Move on!
You lost the virginity to the bastard, you cuddled the idiot, you spent money on the fool, you climbed down on your standard.... Move ON!
Don't tear down all of your standards, no, when you fall you don't remain in the sand do you?
I'm reading Adichie's Americanah, and Americanah is not a Religious Book!
Thankiu
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