In relationships (or marriage even), it's imperative that you be with someone who shares similar views as you. Especially on really important stuff. There's no point trying to get with someone who has opposing perceptions and trying to change them. It doesn't work that way. My dad likes to say that adults minds are usually set. It's always difficult to change their minds when they're convinced about something. It may not even be the 'right' mindset but they'd cling to it like their life depended on it. At most, you'd have heated arguments and intense discussions on the subject but most times both parties still go home more convinced about their views as ever because humans can be proud. (Except when maybe God convinces one party about the said stuff but sometimes even when God is trying to convince some people, they harden their hurts because they don't want to be wrong).
So if, for instance, you're the type of man that thinks it's a taboo for women to make up, wear trouser or have a social media account, go for a lady who doesn't wear trouser, has no interest in laying foundation, painting her lips or fencing her eyes, doesn't even know what facebook is and relate with her or marry her. Don't be looking for a beautiful slay queen on instagram and start asking her to choose between you and her looks and the social media. If I were her, you're so going back to that ancient cave you crawled out from.
If you're the type of man that loves to be the Lord of a woman's life. Get you a lovely patriarchy princess and you two will be compatible. Don't go hooking up with a feminist female and then start complaining that she's too opinionated, doesn't want to bow to your wishes, cater to your every whims or take your word as law every time.
If you are the type of person that believes in no sex before marriage, don't be with someone who doesn't really mind. And then you'll start complaining that they're always trying to kiss you or touch you in ways that will make you tingle.
Don't be the type that likes fair girls and be trying to make your dark girlfriend bleach so she will become fair by fire by twerking thunder. Get you a beautiful fair lady if you can't accept or learn to love her darkness like that.
Don't be the type that will see a woman that is working and getting well paid, and be planning on how you'll stop her from working just so she can become your most prized ornament. Go for a woman whose only/major dream is to be a homemaker and raise children. She will be best suited for you and all will be well.
In summary,
- Date your type
- Marry your type
Don't be trying to mould people to suit your taste. You're not a potter or a personality sculptor. Besides, it's manipulative. And any form of manipulation signifies the absence of love. When we love people truly, we appreciate them and give them room to be their best selves.
Allow people to be who they are. If you're in sync with them or they are your spec., fine. If not, waka pass and move on to the next person. Fine woman never finish for Nigeria. And if you don't find your dream bae in Nigeria, there are lots of beautiful women in countries out there.
Dear Ladies,
If he's trying to make you change your convictions just so he will stay with you, run!
If he's trying to give your whole personality, dressing and lifestyle an overhaul, FLEE!
Don't tolerate people that want to bend you into whatever shape they deem necessary.
Don't tolerate people who will make you stop doing what you love because of their selfish reasons.
Changing who you are to make someone stay is silly because they'll keep looking for more things to change about you everyday. It's better to be with someone who wants to love, appreciate and try to understand who you are than someone who has a preconceived notion of who should be and is doing all he can to beat you into that shape. Plus, lots of people like that usually find a way to make you feel guilty when they start treating you badly or cheating on you.
Whatever you do, don't give ANYONE power to control you, they won't relinquish it easily!
- UCHECHI UCHENYI
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