VERB: An ability to restrain oneself from doing what one intend for whatever reason.
That warm Friday morning, I walked into my encouragement's compound, straight to the house his widow sat with their kids avoiding the little activity I noticed outside.
Few chats later, after a fitful struggle to keep what we felt at Bay and smile, I came out to take a view of the compound.
I saw them. Numbering 4 - 6, whatever the number, not really necessary, what they were doing were.
I stood transfixed allowing anger burn in my eyes yet constraining myself to be controlled by it?
Why are they digging? Who asked them to dig? Doesn't digging suggest this is a burial? Doesn't that validate death? Somebody needs to stop them.
Someone needs to lecture them on how disrespectful it is churning red Earth from the ground the way they did. Maybe they didn't do it with mannerism, you really can't say when filled with rage, yet someone needs to stop them from continuing. Yes, a few moment from now, there will be siren blast, then the surfacing of an ambulance, with a gold sprayed well tended to box in which laid a still body, or so I think. Who is. Was. No is. My encouragement. And digging now will mean saving time and achieving required depth for a proper grave, but yet. Yet! They had to be lectured. To stop whatever they are doing and wait for some permission.
Digging is accepting death won. And that's a lie! Digging is agreeing that after today he will be nowhere on the earth surface. I think it should take more time, I think or maybe not. I don't know!
It was rage. I wanted to yell at them. To tell them to cover that ground, for no one is going down there today. What I wanted was make trouble. Maybe throw some few punches until they understand that it's not a suggestion but a command. Cover. Cover the grave! Don't continue. Don't.
Instead... Self-control! I allowed anger and rage melt to tinging tears, and fought it from rolling down. Held me in an embrace caressing my arms. Self Control is stopping yourself from doing what you really want to do, you may regret exercising it later though!
Comments
Post a Comment